At long last, the results are in from the great Arizona vote count audit in Maricopa, Arizona. Performed by Cyber Ninjas, the former bad guys from the motion picture “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2”, the results were absolutely staggering.
According to Sandy Batt, Chief Chinese Vote Investigator and Fat Guy Fluffer, after careful consideration of hundreds of votes tallied through psychic hand-patting, forensic dart-throwing, and sheer force of human guesswork, Donald Trump emerged victorious from the contest by nearly 4,400 votes. Suck on that, libtards.
Public Ninja Face Alex Lifeson says that many votes were discounted for being on “fake” Chinese-made paper, while others were simply shit upon after being discovered locked in a small Hellraiser-style “Le Marchand Configuration” box, the opening of which, sent more than a dozen operators straight to Hell, where the suffering is so sweeeeeet.
What we did is, we took a clue from beat writer William S. Burroughs, and threw all the votes up in the air willy nilly. When they came down, we counted the ones that were face up, and sent the face down ‘questionable’ group to a local processing plant to be recycled into Trump lawsuits.”
After that preliminary purge, we monitored the results for votes that contained the letter “B”, because obviously, there’s no “B” in ‘Donald Trump”, unless you wrote : ”Donald Trump and his Big Bouncing Balls.”. That would have made it through.”
Curiously, there were several hundred such votes, all of them strangely signed by : “The former Mayor of New York and his Cousin-wife.”
Shocking. Now the reality we all suspected was the truth really is, thanks to these brave heroes of countifying. Predictibly, other states, including the backwards old pig trough of Texas, are about to engage in their own audits. Soldier on, brave patriots. Don’t let the libbies drive you down.